Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
