I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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