My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize