when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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