So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
