i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
