I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
