your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i think i have two assholes
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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