Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
