What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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