you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
a search helicopter?!
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
All I want is dick and wine.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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