he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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