he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
