Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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