Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
