eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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