woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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