STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
