she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
it's great music for shaving your balls
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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