I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
