Define "chronic" masturbator.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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