That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
