fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
