I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
