But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My bed smells like the plague
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
