Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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