currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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