Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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