Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
