we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize