Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
