Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The power of my boobs compel you
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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