having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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