I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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