1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
is wine microwaveable?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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