32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
