I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
