Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
