No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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