just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm bleeding and have questions
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
