the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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