He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
