I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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