I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
