Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
