im about as happy as oj after his trial
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
