What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
