Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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