i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I enjoy the company of your penis
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
