my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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