im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
3 2 1 whiskey
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize