my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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