Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
