Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
