First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
