Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
