Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
