Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
