U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
