It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize