I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
