There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
