I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
