Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
