i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
