id be glad to
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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